Indian Man in America

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Reasons I Swiped Left

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only 10 I see.

Having gone from being a happy albiet cold Chicagoan familiar with clever lines like this, I moved to a place where I didn't have friends - let alone know the language: Bangalore, India. With lines like the one above, you can imagine that I was quite the rage in Chicago. In Bangalore though, guys seemed like they had all the friends they could ever want and didn't usually want to expand their social circle. Girls on the other hand, they wouldn't even look at me. I needed to meet people, if only to avoid another extended stay at NIMHANS.

Let me start out by admitting that I have joined Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder, Happn, and several other datings apps that I would not like to mention in public. I was even able to meet a couple people on almost all of them. Does this show that I’m a desperate degenerate single-mindedly focusing on expanding his social circle? Maybe. Does it mean that I’m a lonely 20 something having a hard time making friends in South India? Definitely.

For the purposes of this article, let me focus on Tinder. I matched with the author of the companion article of this piece on Tinder a couple of months ago and I thought I had met the love of my life. What are the odds that I would have found someone living less than 5 kilometres from me who ALSO went to college in the states? Finally, a hyphenated Indian who I’d have so much in common with. This was truly a match made in paradise and I was getting ready with all my unused hashtags: #onlinedating, #datingapps, #wemetontinder, #weswipedright, etc. As the stars would have it, we ended up becoming good friends, and connecting so well that we decided to write this article together.

In case you were wondering, the rumours are true. She must have had a completely different experience on Tinder than me. I don’t know too many people in India that use Tinder (or at least would admit to it!). But I do know a girl who has matched every time she swiped right. I didn’t really use Tinder in the states but I remember connecting with dozens of people a day sometimes, even when I was barely swiping at all. During my first week on Tinder India, I did not match with anyone. Thus, I thought I had to dynamically change my swiping paradigm from what previously seemed reasonable. That said, I am really not so much of a desperate degenerate as to swipe right on every single profile out there. Despite the advice that everyone successful on tinder here gives (Always Swipe Right), I have realised that I do have some standards after all ;) So here’s the short list of the types of profiles on Tinder that I will never match with:

1) Anonymous: She/He has no pictures or the pictures are of famous people that don’t look alike. Sorry but I’m using this app to actually meet people and/or make friends in this place where the majority of the population doesn’t even speak a language I’m familiar with - so if you can’t be vulnerable enough to let me know what you look like that’s not a really great way at putting your best foot forward is it?
2) NoT yeT woRkiNg !! iM stiLl stUdYinG !!hehe, im still youth: This is actually quite common so anyone swiping in India has probably seen this right below the people’s profile. I can’t put a finger on what it is about this that irks me so much. Maybe the way they capitalise?
3) Older Women: Sorry ladies. I’m sure that your amazing and that you have a lot going for you
but I have had too many bad experiences with older women to fall into this rabbit hole... A
friend just helped me change my age preferences so my matches top off at my age!
4) Obvious Men: I’m not sure how this happened since I JUST double-checked and my
preferences state that I’d like to be matched with the opposite gender but I figured that gay
guys have a hard enough time as it is, so there’s no need for them to be matched with a bigot.
5) Married Women: This is a lot more common in the United States. But I’ve come across quite a
few profiles of women with jasmine flowers in their hair and a guy who obviously dressed up for a wedding photo-shoot. Is this really a thing in India? Who knew cucks have gotten worldwide?!

I struggled coming up with a list of 5 traits (2 of which aren’t even real) that I would never match with but in actuality, I could, and probably should be a lot more judicious. The girls I’ve ended up matching with are all gems in their own light and I would have been attracted to each of them if I ran into them anywhere other than this up. But Thanks Tinder for helping this awkward Indian learn how to make friends in modern India.

Friday, October 9, 2015

Rise of the Remote Worker (from Recruiterbox Employee Blog)

Recruiterbox is a pioneer in the world of streamlining hiring, dedicated to small to mid-cap organizations. At RB, I’m one of the two employees in a hybrid role combining sales and support. Even though I live right outside Chicago, our team is distributed throughout the globe and my efforts are concentrated in the eastern hemisphere (Europe, Middle East & Africa, Asia, and Australia). Though i have been in the organization only for a few months, I’ve gotten to chat with some pretty cool people working at UN Agencies, the Government of Australia, software startups in Germany, recruitment firms in the UK, boutique agencies in South Africa, schools in Vietnam, and even bigger-name organizations like The Onion, Zomato, and housing.com. As you can see, being remote doesn’t deprive me from communicating with people around the world for work.
My only other employers who allowed remote work were Groupon and a non-profit called OpenTheBooks.com, a project of American Transparency. I occasionally worked remotely at Groupon but I really got a feel for it at American Transparency where our main tasks involved sifting through excel spreadsheets for data analysis. I noticed my productivity was so much higher when I was able to take my dog for a run in the middle of the day. I found I churned out more work than ever when I managed my own deadlines. After leaving Groupon I weaned myself off of Keurig coffee cups and started brewing my own cardamom tea with raw honey.
I used to be an English teacher at public schools in the Republic of Georgia and summer camps in Italy. I’ve also studied abroad in Central America and Europe. What can I say, I love to work and travel. But after starting full-time work, I didn’t have as many opportunities to do so. However, in my four months at Recruiterbox, I’ve had a chance to explore Napa Valley, San Francisco and Yosemite National Park; the Upper Peninsula and central Michigan; Milwaukee; and Las Vegas. I even spent a couple weeks at my college town in Champaign-Urbana. Next, I plan to work in India for several months.
Given these benefits of working remotely listed above, one might call me an evangelist for remote work. I’m actually not so sure about it. Despite its many pros, working remotely isn’t exactly a bed of roses. The abundance of distractions are the primary reason employers shouldn’t transition into a remote workforce en masse. There are passive distractions like the latest TV shows, enthralling books, and delicious food in the fridge. There are also active distractions such as when friends come over, or your dog wants to go for a walk.
It’s fairly easy to overcome these challenges though, because the whole concept of remote work spurs greater self-awareness and shows how you can optimize your environment.
While it doesn’t really come up at a software company like Recruiterbox, because we are always on Slack chat, (literally always. no idea what we would do without Slack) I can see how other companies that are not so immersed in the world of technology could have lower productivity without immediate access to the people needed to complete projects. I have 2-3 daily video calls with everyone else on my team so we get to bounce ideas off of each other and check in with our CEO, Raj, on these calls to make sure that we build our own unique processes to keep us on our A-game.
So what does it take to work remotely? Well, it goes without saying that you need to be loyal to your company and invested in its mission. It’s important to be great at communicating expectations and managing deadlines, both for yourself and for your role in the team. Basically, if you’re built to be a project manager with military like diligence, consider yourself to be a self-motivated peak perf, and have access to a great internet connection, you’re likely a good candidate for remote work.

Original: http://inside.recruiterbox.com/rise-of-the-remote-worker/

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Plato: Be Kind; Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle

Monday, March 31, 2014

Good to GREAT STEP 1: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Self-respect is a fundamental for a great life. If we lack self-respect we will be insecure and strive to be someone we are not. To develop self-respect means to cultivate the self confidence to deal with whatever life throws at us. The following are some ways we can improve our self-respect. Remember, self-respect comes from an inner belief and not an egoistic feeling of superiority.
1. Be True to Yourself
There is great social pressure from parents, work and society to become a certain person and to achieve certain things. It is a pressure hard to detach from. But, a real self-respect only comes from being true to our inner calling. It is important you have faith in your own values and remember what is important to you. Just because other people think you should behave in a certain way, doesn’t mean they are right. Everyone needs to follow their own path. Even if others don’t respect your decision it is important that you do. Just ask yourself whether you come into the world to please Tom, Dick and Harry or live your own life?

2. Learn to Handle Criticism
We are sensitive beings. Nobody likes criticism and when we are criticized, either directly or indirectly, we feel bad about ourself – even if the criticism is not justified. To maintain a sense of self respect, we need to learn how to deal with criticism. Don’t take criticism personally. Look at it from a detached perspective. Maybe it is false, in which case we should ignore it. If their is some truth, we can use it to develop our character. However, it is important not to take criticism too personally. Just because we are not very good at a particular task, doesn’t mean we need to lose our self respect.
3. Look After Your Appearance, Without Being a Slave to Fashion
Our appearance is important. It can give us confidence or it can make us feel awkward. Take care of our appearance; dressing smart for the right occasion gives us self confidence. At the same time, we don’t want to be the slave of fashion trends. Dress for your own benefit; don’t dress in the expectation of pleasing others and receiving complements.
4. Avoid Jealousy
Jealousy of other people’s success is a common way of losing our happiness and self respect. Jealousy is simply envy of other people’s success. We feel miserable that we cannot enjoy their success. Sometimes it can even lead us to knocking the other person. If we follow this path of jealousy we will definitely lose our sense of self respect. When we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, we are saying our self respect depends on being better than others. But, the truth is, there will always be some people more successful than ourself. The trick to lasting self respect is to be happy through others success. We should never feel that other people’s success in any way diminishes our self worth.
5. Remember your Motivation, Not Results
Sometimes we work with best of motives and the best of intentions only to be disappointed by the outcome. The problem is that we equate our self respect to outer displays of wealth, success and social standing. It is the nature of life, that things will not turn out as we hoped, but, it is a mistake to link our sense of self worth to the achievement of external targets. Self respect comes when we value our attitude to life and other people. Even if things go badly don’t lose your self respect. Work with the best of intentions and gain your self respect from that.
6. Respect Others
If you have no respect for others, how can you have self-respect? Self respect means we have an inner confidence and inner assurance, but this is not a confidence built on superiority. It is the wrong approach to try and feel better by putting others down. If we look for the good qualities in other people, it is easier to remember the good qualities in ourselves.
7. Never Hate Yourself
We make mistakes, we may do the wrong thing; but we should never put ourselves down unnecessarily. If we are not careful we start bitterly regretting things and even disliking ourselves. We should never hate our self, it is very destructive. Listen to your conscience, but, don’t be too hard on yourself and feel burdened with guilt.
8. Forgive
Forgive others and forgive yourself. Don’t live in the past, but, move on from past mistakes and difficult situations. If your mind is occupied with problems from the past, you will always feel guilty and unworthy. Don’t allow your self worth to be determined by past mistakes.
9. Be Selfless
The way to self respect is not through a bloated sense of pride; this is a false type of self respect. We may think that the praise of others boosts our self respect, but, actually this praise creates a vulnerable ego. If our self respect is based on the praise of others then our self respect will be very tenuous. Self respect should not be dependent on the praise of others; it should be independent of others praise.
10. Don’t Keep up With the Joneses
You will not be able to build self respect if you are permanently striving to impress others with outer displays. People who are impressed with material wealth and social standing are probably the kind of people not worth impressing anyway. Be comfortable with what you have, not what you think will impress others.

Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/self-respect/#xQe5Gwc1bgkUAmzM.99

Respect is a fundamental for a great life.

A lot of us have heard about the Aretha Franklin song, R-E-S-P-E-C-T and it is pretty clear that she sounds like she could have been talking about the plight of modern women who are being asked to bear a brunt of the burden of childcare and domestic responsibilities while continuing to work a great deal outside of their homes. In fact, I remember growing up and waiting at home for my Mom to come back from work saying "Mummy, jolli jeevi", which - in my native language, essentially means "Mom + work = Life". I don't think I was the only child who was so possessive of his Mom, in fact, the slogan 'Family First' sounds trite, but I think that most of us generally have a soft spot for our Family members and there must be some kind of reason for this to be the case. At least I was blessed to be in a family with a Mother and Father who both did and still continue to sacrifice so much for their children, family members, and everyone they care about.

Who should we respect?

This brings me to my second song, albeit a bit lesser known one (so I'm including the lyrics) -it's called Risin' Above the Pack, by Andrew Mason the former music major from Northwestern who went on to become a bit of a developer and then started Groupon. I'm spending my 25th birthday writing this blog post and I am still working at Groupon so clearly there are some differences between myself and the man who 'managed over 12,000 people; most under the age of 25,' but my second boss actually started out in Sales as well and he started a similar company called HomePages (rivaling Yellow Pages) and my first boss started out flying up a corporate ladder and is now managing a huge online publication and my third boss started a non-profit as he was about to graduate college a few years ago and for all practical purposes is now retired. Where was I? Oh, the lyrics from Andrew Mason's song:

Now as you nurse that raging
Ambition
Don't make the mistake of believing
That management is the only road to the top of the company
Great individual contributors
Are every bit as valuable....

The next lyric reminds me of something that one of my favorite cousins told me:

You just gotta know yourself

There are all sorts of ladders here in this world and I'm not saying that climbing any kind of a ladder is a bad thing. Ladders that can allow us to acquire fame and prestige (climbing a hierarchy [corporate, military, religious, non-profit, academic]). I'm also not saying that we always have to love our work. I was just reading an article in a journal for academics that essentially opposed that idea which many PhD students tend to get married to. However, we all do need to find work that we like doing and isn't just something that can, so to speak, pay the bills. While we all know that all sorts of ladders exist here in the world we live in, I have felt like most of us also know what we value and whether there are right or wrong things to value and how to allocate our time and energy between those pursuits. Wait, where was I going? Oh yeah! Who should we respect? Even the previous lyrics that I included up here did not answer that question so I think that I will include some more lyrics from the gospel of Andrew Mason (since he has only written one album).

The best things in life
Are clear without instructions

And his first song, Look no Further:

If you’re seeking business wisdom
You don’t need no MBA
Look no further than the beauty
That surrounds us every day

Sometimes I feel that I am uncomfortable with my natural state so I try to compensate by doing something else. Maybe this blog is one of those things. How do you, dear reader, feel about this?

I actually think that each of the unique opportunities that I have been so fortunate to have (many of which I started out inadequate for) were all thrust into my lap by some kinda divine intervention. Even the job at Groupon that I now have - I was interning at one of the biggest dinner cruise company's corporate headquarters in Sales and Customer Service when one of my neighbors, who also happened to work with me invited me to a Fun concert and I invited one of my buddies from college who also served on the University of Illinois Board of Trustees. While we were listening to the song We are Young, my friend from college was telling me about someone he knew that worked at Groupon and I remembered that I actually applied to Yelp (among a slew of other jobs, which I single-mindedly believed that I could acquire because of how strongly I believed that everything can be intentionally learned and developed). That being said, this whole time, I knew what I should have done and I know what is expected of me but I did not pay enough attention to myself. As one of my most stand up cousin's once told me, the most important things in life are to be present and listen.

Which reminds me about one of my friend, Morgan's blogposts: "The Now", in my mind, refers the the present moment: your current life. So many (myself included) live in and for the future, rather than experiencing their life as it is. The danger of this is missing the beauty and joy of TODAY by living for tomorrow. I don't want to look back in 20 years and wish I'd embraced and enjoyed my 20s simply because I longed for marriage and children. This is one of the fundamental points of the Not Alone Series, but Life in the Gap emphasises more on this. You should check them out! I was profiled by them back in...December? Not sure.'

I read this quote from Mark Twain on this blog-post that reminded me about this:

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ~ Mark Twain
Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/self-respect/#xQe5Gwc1bgkUAmzM.99

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ~ Mark TwainRead more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/self-respect/#xQe5Gwc1bgkUAmzM.99

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ~ Mark Twain
Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/self-respect/#xQe5Gwc1bgkUAmzM.99

1. Be True to Yourself
There is great social pressure from parents, work and society to become a certain person and to achieve certain things. It is a pressure hard to detach from. But, a real self-respect only comes from being true to our inner calling. It is important you have faith in your own values and remember what is important to you. Just because other people think you should behave in a certain way, doesn’t mean they are right. Everyone needs to follow their own path. Even if others don’t respect your decision it is important that you do. Just ask yourself whether you come into the world to please Tom, Dick and Harry or live your own life?

2. Learn to Handle Criticism
We are sensitive beings. Nobody likes criticism and when we are criticized, either directly or indirectly, we feel bad about ourself – even if the criticism is not justified. To maintain a sense of self respect, we need to learn how to deal with criticism. Don’t take criticism personally. Look at it from a detached perspective. Maybe it is false, in which case we should ignore it. If their is some truth, we can use it to develop our character. However, it is important not to take criticism too personally. Just because we are not very good at a particular task, doesn’t mean we need to lose our self respect.
3. Look After Your Appearance, Without Being a Slave to Fashion
Our appearance is important. It can give us confidence or it can make us feel awkward. Take care of our appearance; dressing smart for the right occasion gives us self confidence. At the same time, we don’t want to be the slave of fashion trends. Dress for your own benefit; don’t dress in the expectation of pleasing others and receiving complements.
4. Avoid Jealousy
Jealousy of other people’s success is a common way of losing our happiness and self respect. Jealousy is simply envy of other people’s success. We feel miserable that we cannot enjoy their success. Sometimes it can even lead us to knocking the other person. If we follow this path of jealousy we will definitely lose our sense of self respect. When we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, we are saying our self respect depends on being better than others. But, the truth is, there will always be some people more successful than ourself. The trick to lasting self respect is to be happy through others success. We should never feel that other people’s success in any way diminishes our self worth.
5. Remember your Motivation, Not Results
Sometimes we work with best of motives and the best of intentions only to be disappointed by the outcome. The problem is that we equate our self respect to outer displays of wealth, success and social standing. It is the nature of life, that things will not turn out as we hoped, but, it is a mistake to link our sense of self worth to the achievement of external targets. Self respect comes when we value our attitude to life and other people. Even if things go badly don’t lose your self respect. Work with the best of intentions and gain your self respect from that.
6. Respect Others
If you have no respect for others, how can you have self-respect? Self respect means we have an inner confidence and inner assurance, but this is not a confidence built on superiority. It is the wrong approach to try and feel better by putting others down. If we look for the good qualities in other people, it is easier to remember the good qualities in ourselves.
7. Never Hate Yourself
We make mistakes, we may do the wrong thing; but we should never put ourselves down unnecessarily. If we are not careful we start bitterly regretting things and even disliking ourselves. We should never hate our self, it is very destructive. Listen to your conscience, but, don’t be too hard on yourself and feel burdened with guilt.
8. Forgive
Forgive others and forgive yourself. Don’t live in the past, but, move on from past mistakes and difficult situations. If your mind is occupied with problems from the past, you will always feel guilty and unworthy. Don’t allow your self worth to be determined by past mistakes.
9. Be Selfless
The way to self respect is not through a bloated sense of pride; this is a false type of self respect. We may think that the praise of others boosts our self respect, but, actually this praise creates a vulnerable ego. If our self respect is based on the praise of others then our self respect will be very tenuous. Self respect should not be dependent on the praise of others; it should be independent of others praise.
10. Don’t Keep up With the Joneses
You will not be able to build self respect if you are permanently striving to impress others with outer displays. People who are impressed with material wealth and social standing are probably the kind of people not worth impressing anyway. Be comfortable with what you have, not what you think will impress others.

Read more at http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/self-respect/#xQe5Gwc1bgkUAmzM.99

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12

Saturday, March 29, 2014

How my blog was named

In all honesty, the title of this blog was a bit of an accident. I was attending a pro-life banquet in downtown Chicago and saw a group of angry protestors waving picket signs and shouting inflammatory comments about some of the attendees, such as Joe Schiedler- the founder of the pro-life action league. One of my friends was interested in capturing some of their extremist viewpoints on tape and including some of their hateful and seemingly irrational comments in a YouTube video that he was making about the event but he couldn't go out and interview people because he was in a position of leadership in a statewide organization so I told him that I wouldn't mind interviewing people and when people asked me who I'm with I told them that I'm actually with a personal blog called IndianManInAmerica.BlogSpot.com without even knowing whether this url had been taken.

Recently, I googled the name of this blog and a number of pages about how indian nationals perceive life in America but I noticed that it had not been taken so I jumped on it!

My 4 Minute Life Story aka My Life Without A Swimming Pool

One of my earliest memories was struggling with algebra in sixth grade. In elementary school, Illinois state test results always put me in the highest percentile and I had always performed pretty well in school without much effort. I was surprised that I was going to have to start exerting myself and wasn't really sure what to do. I asked my dad for some help with my math homework but he didn't really know what to say. Having grown up idolizing my father as one of the the strongest and most successful people I knew, I was blown away by that. I started to wonder how someone like my dad could be so good at everything he did without knowing algebra.

For whatever reason, after this, my behavior in school had started to worsen and I started to care more about how my peers saw me than anything else relating to my academic or extra-curricular performance. I was really starting to annoy my family and my teachers and I began to get a string of in school suspensions and a variety of other punishments for inappropriate behavior. My parents took me to see a therapist who diagnosed me with ADD/ADHD but I stopped taking the Ritalin because I didn't think it did anything and he proceeded to diagnose and re-diagnose me with a couple other disorders that I don't really remember right now. My parents noticed that I was starting to hang out with people they weren't really keen on and I was getting to be a handful so they decided to send me to a military school in southeastern Wisconsin. I really disliked the rigid atmosphere and, though I was successfully placed into classes far above what I was used to, I decided to just try my best to get out of there. At that point, the easiest way I saw was to tell the warden that I wanted to kill myself. They immediately took me to a local mental hospital and made me stay there until my parents came up to discuss my future with them. My parents came up a couple days later and gave me an ultimatum without even considering what could have been a devastating mental situation. I was either going to stay in Military School or go to school in India. I told them I'd go to school in India just to get out of there but I thought I'd come up with something before school in India started...

Fast-forward a few months, my parents made me miss one of my favorite cousin's wedding and brought me to Bangalore under the guise of going to school there. Unbeknownst to me, they had set me up for inpatient treatment to deal with anger management and whatever else was wrong with me at the prestigious St. John's hospital. Soon after, I was transferred to NIMHANS (the National Institute for Mental Health and Neuroscience) and my dad took a few months off from work and stayed at their inpatient ward with me. After about half a year and realizing that significant changes were not being made regarding their diagnosis or treatment, he started taking me to visit some of the 'best International Schools in the city'. These schools were ridiculously luxurious, with golf courses and servants being standard. But I was being stubborn about not wanting to go to school in India and I threatened to not physically wake up or not actually learn even if they did force me to be in the classroom. Never one for excessive pressure, my dad said okay, went back to America, and left me with my grandfather in Kerala. I started learning to read and write malayalam there much better than I ever had before merely because I was forced to go to mass everyday and used the malayalam liturgies to stay on track. I went on to read the bibles and all the other books they had at home and in the local library but ended up getting bored and annoying my grandpa and my other cousin who had come to stay at his place and study. So I went to Bangalore and stayed with one of my aunts for a few months. During that time I also read a lot of books and watched a bunch of movies but I guess I was growing tired of not being in school. I had a great-uncle from Manimala whose son went to a boarding school in Kerala, he told me that it was a really good school and that he'd bring me there to check it out.

My dad thought this would be the breaking point and flew back over to get me enrolled in that school. Towards the end of the interview, I asked the director of the school and tour guide if they had a swimming pool and he said no - but they were planning on building one in the next couple years. I ended up telling my dad that I didn't wanna go to school there because they didn't have a swimming pool and he ended up going back to America. I'm not sure if it's my inner kuttanadan or what, but for some reason, access to a swimming people was a huge concern of mine and I feel justified in my decision because I noticed that a few years later that school did not end up having a pool constructed and was widely considered to be a money laundering scheme where a lot of the Kerala bourgeoisie sent their children. A few weeks later, one of my dad's relatives who is known for being an authoritarian came over to my mom's family house and said that I am going to school whether I like it or not. He had it with the coddling my dad had allowed me to enjoy and that I will go to the school that his son attended - even though it didn't have a swimming pool. After a great deal of reluctance and even a minor fight, I succumbed to his insistence.

I took the entrance exams and managed to do well in all the subjects except for Hindi and Math, both of which I had not studied for over a year and scored less than 10% in. One of my relatives was the vice principal of the school and on her recommendation, I was placed into 8th grade. Initially I tried my best to get out of school and told some family members and my dad that there were some pretty unethical things happening there and that they needed to get me out if they cared about my future but they didn't budge so I relented. However, I continued to be pretty apathetic about school and try to coast along focusing more on my social image and popularity, which was already enhanced since I was 'the American'. This went on until my aunt who was the Vice Principal pulled me aside one day and said that it was not just my reputation but hers that was on the line and that she didn't want to be seen as someone who lets her relatives get in to the school if they are actually unworthy of admission so I needed to shape up.

I was starting to make minor improvements to try and make it seem like I cared; it wasn't until I had a conversation with my dad that things really started to change for the better. To be honest, I'm not sure if he even remembers this anymore but I can never forget the day that I was on the phone with him in the side window behind the Vidya Jyoti Boarding House Rector's office. I was still on the: 'why do I have to work hard at school and do well in subjects like algebra if I can be successful without it' bandwagon and my dad finally told me something like 'You can't just wake up one day and decide to be successful. The only thing you have control over is the present and if you want to be successful in the future you have to start by changing today'. Those words of his stuck with me. I started to take an active interest in changing my situation. I began waking up eagerly and starting the day with the mass that they asked us to attend and incorporating more of my religious beliefs, which had been pretty latent if that, into my lifestyle. I signed up to get regular help from Hindi and Math tutors and worked really hard at it. I ended up doing so well that I didn't need any extra help with math after 1 year and I got the second best grade in our little state of Kerala (which also happens to be the most literate) for the SSLC (10th grade) Board exams.

I started with focusing on my academics but once I got in a good groove with things, they became a lot easier for me and I was able to start building my friendships and spend more time playing sports. My best friend in boarding school was Philistine Joseph. He was the other American guy and we initially weren't that close because he seemed to think I was lame or something. We never really talked until I started demonstrating myself as a good student and one of the first conversations I remember having with him is that I told him I wanted to be a librarian because I enjoy reading and I thought I'd like to work with books. He said that was the dumbest idea he had ever heard and that if his dad heard that he would lose a lot of respect for me and he'd say that it is a waste of talent.

In this I sometimes wish I'd been more headstrong, I caved on that dream pretty much right after that conversation and decided the best thing for me to do would be to become a doctor. I really started thinking this would be a good idea especially since my mom had always wanted to be a doctor but couldn't afford medical school so I began focusing all my energy in biology and related subjects but I still wanted to go to one of the other schools with swimming pools like those I was looking at right when I got to India.

I found some schools in some parts of India that had swimming pools as well as a ton of new age mantras aimed at recruiting emotionally vulnerable people like me and Jiddu Krishnamurthi who are both people who happen to believe that any kind of change can happen in an individual and then in society as long as they allow their psyche to change as well as some schools in Northern India that bragged about being the place where the Gandhi's were brought up but my local guardian had different plans and he said that if I want to change schools I should go to St. Anthony's Public School in Anakkal and live in a Benedictine Hostel which, at the time, had the highest percentage of students admitted into IIT's, IIM's and the best medical schools in the country and also happened to be in a diocese where his brother in law was the auditor....

My whole life has been an attempt to oppose a rigid structure that I disagree with or become too lazy to adhere to by showing myself and the world that there is another path. Laziness has insidiously crept into my life far too often in the past; I need to be more vigilant about opposing this. In the eyes of most people, my path has not been very strategic and it has seemed like I have been flying by the seat of my pants but only I know the method to my madness, whenever I have one, so I wonder - is it necessary to have a method for everything?

Response to my friend and my cousin (from the first post): When do you not strive to improve or do good?

One of the friends I made during my Alternative Spring Break trip I went on let me know about a dilemma that he was facing: If one recognizes that it is "good" to volunteer at a food pantry, why not volunteer more? Why not devote every amount of energy towards doing this "good"? I feel that people are constantly compromising beliefs and principles (myself included). It then becomes difficult to justify any type of relaxation. We may try to reach an "optimal efficiency" state, but no one can fully know what that is, ignoring the fact that physical or mental limitations may make such a peak vastly different among people. This is why I have difficulty adhering to a consistent set of philosophical tenets. If a person truly believed them, they would act on these principles with every action. For me, the only ones that come to mind are to always treat people with respect (which I admit I fail at every now and then) and to seek truth.

Personally, I feel that in addition to treating each person we encounter with respect, there are a number of other beliefs that should guide our lives. I am in the process of typing up a response but generally I would say that these include being grateful to the people who have supported us and helped us get where we are, loving others and ourselves, and working within the systems where we find ourselves to be the best we can be but I am also drawing from the advice of many successful coaches such as Stephen Covey and potentially also Fr. Thomas Kalam who recommend creating a personal missions.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life. Create a mission statement.

Habit 3: Put First Things First

Prioritize, plan, and execute your week's tasks based on importance rather than urgency. Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you toward goals, and enrich the roles and relationships that were elaborated in Habit 2.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. It primarily emphasizes exercise for physical renewal, prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) and good reading for mental renewal. It also mentions service to society for spiritual renewal.

[edit]

Praxeology, the logic of human action, is a relatively new science that isn't often taught in the mainstream school system. I'm basically just transcribing the following youtube video here in case you don't have 'time' to see it but if you do, I'd recommend watching it instead of reading this: The concept of time is crucial to understanding the universal laws of action. Time is the concept which seperates praxeology from all other schools of thought, that deal with human action. Without time, the treatment of human action would be the same as mathematics. Because we know about time, we know that one thing must follow another and things must be understood in terms of cause and effect. A man acts to satisfy some desire, to seek change. Action is always directed towards the future. It is based on the desire to end some uneasiness that would continue if the man did not act. From the moment we start acting, we have to start economizing time- just like we economize other scarce resources.

The study of praxeology can help us understand the limits of human planning and it actually reminds me of the Heinz Dilemma which I originally heard from Fr. Alex Praikalam but was recently reminded about by a story told to me by Fr. Kalam - there was an Indian man who was on a very turbulent flight to London to complete his PhD dissertation. The pilot was in great distress and the crew chief announced that the plane was about to go into a nosedive and that everyone should think about those they most cared about and pray to their Gods. The Indian man thought about the fiance he had left in India and the life of teaching in the best Indian colleges that was waiting for him there and told God that he would give it all up if he was allowed to give his dissertation. Soon after, the turbulence ceased and he was able to get his DPhil cum laude. Should he give it all up and become a missionary in Africa?

Here's the Heinz Dilemma answer to this conundrum:

Stage one (obedience): Heinz should not steal the medicine because he will consequently be put in prison which will mean he is a bad person.

Or: Heinz should steal the medicine because it is only worth $200 and not how much the druggist wanted for it; Heinz had even offered to pay for it and was not stealing anything else.

Stage two (self-interest): Heinz should steal the medicine because he will be much happier if he saves his wife, even if he will have to serve a prison sentence.

Or: Heinz should not steal the medicine because prison is an awful place, and he would more likely languish in a jail cell than over his wife's death.

Stage three (conformity): Heinz should steal the medicine because his wife expects it; he wants to be a good husband.

Or: Heinz should not steal the drug because stealing is bad and he is not a criminal; he has tried to do everything he can without breaking the law, you cannot blame him.

Stage four (law-and-order): Heinz should not steal the medicine because the law prohibits stealing, making it illegal.

Or: actions have consequences.

Stage five (human rights): Heinz should steal the medicine because everyone has a right to choose life, regardless of the law.

Or: Heinz should not steal the medicine because the scientist has a right to fair compensation. Even if his wife is sick, it does not make his actions right.

Stage six (universal human ethics): Heinz should steal the medicine, because saving a human life is a more fundamental value than the property rights of another person.

Or: Heinz should not steal the medicine, because others may need the medicine just as badly, and their lives are equally significant.

However, Fr. Kalam told me that the most interesting answer to this conundrum he actually heard came from a Muslim who told him that he would give his wife to the druggist as long as he saves her.

Here is a praxeological take on this conundrum: Scale of Values

From the transcript, Praxgirl: In our last lesson, I defined Praxeology’s use of the terms Ends and Means. I showed that a thing only becomes a means when a purposeful actor has employed it to achieve some end. And I showed that ends are the desired states a man acts to achieve to remove some uneasiness. In this lesson, I'd like to discuss another important categorization implied in the concept of action that we will now refer to as an acting man's scale of values. We've placed a lot of emphasis on showing that action involves choosing between different alternatives and that action itself is the demonstrated preference of the actor's weighing between these alternatives. The fact that action is a choice implies that valuation occurs when action and that we can...